My parents were SO HAPPY the day I called and told them I got into law school. My dad HATES lawyers but he was going to make this one exception. hell everyone hates lawyers...until they need one.

So I slaved through law school. I worked my ass off and I always got good grades. Law school is hard. Not in content I think but in learning technique.  When you go through elementary, high school and college you read books which have answers and take tests which have defininte answers. In law school you read case books which are massive books of cases the appellate and supreme courts of the country have decided and statues which are the laws. In addition to having to study and remember those cases and laws your test is a hypothetical fact pattern and your answer is an application and analysis of the cases and laws applied to that fact pattern, so usually there really is no exactly right or wrong answer.

Well I made it. I graduated. Studied my fucking ASS off for the bar exam. I knew it inside and out. I was ready. Day one of the three day test came and my computer CRASHED. Fuck. I knew it was over right there. I was right. Four months later I got the news that I failed the test. Second Bar exam rolled around (it is given twice a year), day one started and my new computer didn't load the program. Fuck. It's over again. Another 4 months later I got the same news, I failed again. It was devastating. Two more times came and went without incident and I failed (side note: ..fuck off California Bar examiners). I spent so much time and money on this career choice that I cannot begin until I pass the one last test. What is harder is that I am damn good at my job. I just can't go forward without that test.

I have always been mentally strong but this was a massive blow and I began to rethink EVERYTHING. I began to really think about my job and what I really want in life and then it hit me......I don't want to be a lawyer. Ooooohhhh mom and dad are gonna be pissed and, even worse, let down.

But this is what I have concluded after more mental anguish than I can possibly explain....I came into this world alone and I will leave alone. I don't know when my last breath will occur and I want to see this world. I am not married and I do not have kids. I can't live for anyone but me. I want to experience different cultures and different life styles. I have been lucky to have traveled a little bit. I was an exchange student in Japan when I was 14, I have been to England, France and Mexico more times than I can count but I want to see more. If I passed the Bar I would be stuck in an office for 30 years. Sure I would make a lot of money but how could that possibly compare to actual life experiences? I can't believe I am actually in the process of trying to walk away from it. If everything works out right then I will put law behind me. I don't necessarily believe that I wasted the time and money on law school because I have a degree and I have the knowledge which cannot be taken away from me. I have a plan. My parents will be mad. I cannot live for them anymore. I love them so much and it will just about kill me to see the disappointment in their eyes but, in the end, my end, the only thing I will have are the things I experienced on this earth and I don't ever want to look back and wish I had done more exploring and less office work.